God was teaching me how He could use my experiences in marriage to change me and make me more like Him. And thus you become like the God you worship! 1 My perspective on marriage changed dramatically after receiving these astounding words. You are married to a person who does not deserve so that you learn to lavishly pour yourself out on a person who does notĤ JENNIFER SMITH xv respond appropriately. You are married to a person who needs mercy so that you learn to give it.
You are married to a person who does not meet all the conditions so that you might learn unconditional love. How would you ever learn mercy, patience, long- suffering, or heartfelt compassion if you were married to someone who never failed you? Who was never difficult with you? Who never sinned against you? Who was never slow to acknowledge their sin or ask for forgiveness? How would you ever learn grace to pour out your favor on someone who did not deserve it if you were married to someone who was always deserving of all good things? The main purpose of marriage is that through your marriage you become conformed to the image of Jesus Christ. How would you ever learn unconditional love if you were married to someone who met all the conditions?.
As I drew closer to God and allowed Him to show me things about myself that needed attention and change, I learned a few important things about marriage, one of which came through an inspiring message from pastor and author Paul Washer. In my suffering, God pursued me and carried me to a safe place, an intimate place with Him. He taught me who He is, while revealing the intricate details of His design for marriage. Regardless of my rebellion and apparent dissatisfaction, God met me where I was. I thought I had always known Him, yet I struggled in my faith, avoiding Him in anger and feeling miserably stuck in my relationship with Him. In those trying times of conflict and contention, apathy and agony over the desire to separate from my husband, I met God, or perhaps I should say He met me. Humiliated, xiiiģ xiv THE UNVEILED WIFE I doubted God s purpose for my marriage, and I isolated myself from God and from my husband. Because we struggled during times of sexual intimacy, I felt inadequate as a woman, as if I were in some way broken. I was disturbed to find out that I fell below par, an image of myself I refused to accept for a long time. I desperately wanted to blame anyone else mostly my husband for the problems we faced, in denial that I could be a contributing factor.
In addition to that struggle, the friction of learning how to be one with each other brought other challenges to the surface.
The greatest trial that overshadowed my husband and me in our first four years of marriage was a sexual problem. I harbored a growing anger toward God for not giving me the marriage I had always dreamed of, believing I was entitled to a perfect life because I did all the right things for Him. My husband quickly became a source of disappointment, often failing to fulfill me as I thought he should. Marriage was not meeting my needs as I thought it would when I yearned to be a wife.
The first few years of our marriage were devastating, and my heart broke over the mess we were living in.
2 Introduction z The ebb and flow of life makes for an interesting journey, one that has been full of sorrow and joy, with everything in between, for my husband and me.